On Taking a Stand Against Bullying

Bullying is a serious issue that can significantly impact students' emotional well-being and development. Sadly, all schools deal with the distressing impacts of bullying behaviour (Fuller, 2024). According to UNESCO, about 1 in 3 students worldwide experience bullying at some point in their schooling years. A report released this week from UNICEF (Innocenti Report Card 19: Child Wellbeing in an Unpredictable World) made for sobering reading, revealing that New Zealand has the second-highest rate of children experiencing bullying among 38 OECD countries.

We know that, to be effective, our strategy on bullying needs clear communication and requires a strong partnership and pro-active action both from whanau and school.

As parents, understanding what bullying is and why it happens can empower you to support your child, whether they are experiencing bullying, engaging in it, or witnessing it. This blog post provides some key insights and messages to help parents navigate this complex issue.

What is bullying?

Bullying has specific features that make it serious and harmful. These include that:

• it is deliberate and involves intentional harm;

• it involves a misuse of power in a relationship;

• it is usually not a one-off. It is repeated or has the potential to be repeated over time.

Sadly, research tells us that people are more likely to be bullied if they are different from their peers in some way. This might include being clever or popular, differences in sexuality, ethnicity, gender, disabilities and abilities, weight or height. New Zealand students reported that some of the most common forms of bullying were "other students made fun of me" (17 per cent), "other students left me out of things on purpose" (13 per cent), and "other students spread nasty rumours about me" (13 per cent) (PISA, 2018).

People bully others for a variety of reasons including that they are unhappy, that they have been the target of bullying themselves, or they want to feel important or powerful. Peer pressure or a desire for social acceptance can also lead to bullying. Sadly, some people bully because they believe that being different is a bad thing.  

What are the different types of bullying?

Bullying can be:

Physical: Hitting, kicking, shoving, touching, and stealing.

Verbal: Name-calling, teasing in a hurtful way, offensive comments, insult or jokes about someone because of the way they look, their race, culture, gender, disability, religion or sexuality, inappropriate sexual comments.

Social: Ignoring someone, spreading rumours, telling others not to be friends with someone, sharing information that will be harmful to others, telling lies about someone, laughing along even if you didn't start it. 

Bullying can be easy to see (overt) or hidden (covert), and hard for those not directly involved to see.

Cyberbullying often goes unnoticed because it takes place on devices, websites, and apps that many adults are unfamiliar with or don’t regularly access. The anonymity of the online world makes it even easier for harmful behavior to occur in secret. As young people spend more time in digital spaces, the line between their online and offline lives becomes increasingly blurred. That’s why it’s essential to educate them about setting healthy boundaries in the digital world.

Parents play a crucial role in this process by actively monitoring online activity and offering guidance on how to use social media responsibly. Before the age of 16, it’s especially important for parents to provide hands-on support and have access to all social media accounts to help ensure safe and responsible use.                                                   

What is not bullying?

For behaviour to be classified as bullying, it must be intentional, repeated, and persistent. A single instance of mean or hurtful behaviour does not constitute bullying. Bullying involves a deliberate pattern of actions or words directed at someone over time.

How does St Andrew’s deal with bullying?

At St Andrew’s College, creating a safe environment where students feel valued and empowered to be themselves is one of our top priorities. We know that addressing bullying requires a multifaceted approach that emphasises prevention, intervention, and continuous support. This includes intentionally bringing to life our whole school value of inclusivity through repeated messaging, and role modelling values such as kindness, diversity, and respect. The antidote to bullying is to celebrate diversity and hold a perspective where we accept and embrace difference as a strength in our community.

Throughout our curriculum, we ensure that students learn about the importance of developing positive and respectful relationships. Through their schooling, students are exposed to learning opportunities that cultivate empathy and perspective-taking, so they learn to understand multiple perspectives and appreciate a diversity of viewpoints.

Clear policies and procedures have been created to ensure that everyone understands what bullying is and how it’s addressed. At St Andrew’s, we define bullying so that students and staff can recognise unacceptable behaviours.

The importance of reporting bullying and upstanding

We encourage our students to report any incidents of bullying to a trusted adult. Heads of School and Deans emphasise that a "no narking" mentality only serves to protect bullies and helps no one. Students are also encouraged to be upstanders if they witness bullying. Research shows that upstanders play a vital role in disrupting bullying dynamics, and when they intervene, bullying stops within seconds 57% of the time. Our pastoral team has a zero-tolerance stance on bullying and is committed to addressing incidents with fair and consistent consequences. Our approach is restorative: we focus on educating students about the importance of positive, respectful relationships. In most cases, bullying stops when young people understand the harm their actions cause.

What Can Parents Do to Proactively Work Against Bullying?

Model positive behaviour:

Children learn a lot from watching adults. Model respectful, inclusive, and supportive behaviours in your own interactions, showing that kindness and respect is an expectation both at home and in the community. Reflecting on your own language and actions around differences can also make a powerful impact.

Encourage respect and emotional intelligence:

Teach your child to consider others' emotions and treat everyone with respect, even if they have differences. Encourage them to think about how their actions and words affect others, cause emotional and physical harm, and can leave lasting scars.

Promote open communication:

Create a safe space at home for regular conversations about school, friendships, and emotions. When children feel comfortable discussing their daily experiences, they’re more likely to seek help if they or someone else is facing challenges.

Support your child to stand up to bullying:

Teach children that they have the right to stand up to bullying and that it’s okay to seek help from a safe person at school if they are a victim or witness someone else is being bullied. Encourage your children to have the courage to be upstanding and intervene when they are present to bullying. Research tells us that a culture of upstanding behaviour is the most successful way to work against bullying. Upstanders speak up, redirect, or get help. If they are aware of their child experiencing bullying, parents must encourage (by working beside) their child to seek help and say something. Once we know, we can act, and we do!

Teach conflict resolution skils

Support young people with tools to handle disagreements and conflicts without resorting to aggressive behaviour. Practicing ways to respond to frustration or anger, such as taking a break or using “I” statements, can reduce the likelihood of bullying behaviours.

Set clear expectations and boundaries around friendships

Reinforce the value of kind, supportive friendships that lift each other up, not tear each other down. Help your child establish clear boundaries around what constitutes a healthy friendship by discussing the values of respect, open communication, and kindness.

Encourage diverse friendships

Help your child develop friendships across diverse groups. Experiencing different perspectives can build empathy and understanding, reducing the biases that sometimes lead to bullying.

Recognise signs of bullying

It’s important for you to stay attuned to potential signs that your child may be experiencing bullying. Some common warning signs include sudden mood changes, increased anxiety, or withdrawal from social activities or a reluctance to go to school and changes in eating or sleeping patterns. If you do notice these behaviours, consider gently discussing them with your child and, if needed, reach out to the school for support.

By working together, we can continue to foster a culture of respect, empathy, and inclusivity that minimises bullying and helps every student feel valued and safe. At St Andrew’s College, we know that every student has a role and responsibility in creating a positive school environment, and by equipping them with the tools and support they need, we empower them to contribute actively to this goal. For parents, reinforcing these messages at home and maintaining open lines of communication with the school can make a significant difference.

What conversations can you have this week with your child that will help build empathy, understanding, and the confidence to stand up for themselves and others?